The 24 Ways in Which I am Definitely (not) George Lucas…as DAE turns 5!

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  • Like George Lucas (and George Carlin!), my first name is actually George.
  • Unlike George Lucas, only telemarketers and other such salesmen call me George.
  • Like George Lucas, my greatest creative work yet (the blog Darkadaptedeye has been judged roughly equivalent in artistic merit and cultural impact to The Empire Strikes Back, according to the handful of departed low-level Trump Administration officials whose breathless kudos I just made up) was entirely self-financed.
  • Unlike George Lucas, my greatest creative work did not have a standalone budget of $54 million dollars (adjusted for inflation).
  • Also unlike George Lucas, my greatest creative work did not have a budget at all. Though I do occasionally advertise it in $12 chunks on Facebook.
  • Also also unlike George Lucas, I made/make no money at all in exchange for the periodic consumption of my greatest creative work. Not ideal, I know, but just the way it is currently. If this was truly an issue, it probably would’ve surfaced by now. Continue reading “The 24 Ways in Which I am Definitely (not) George Lucas…as DAE turns 5!”

Movie review: “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” (2015)

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“This is the ship that made the Kessel Run in fourteen parsecs?”

“TWELVE!”

My third grade class descended on the local mall on a glorious spring Monday morning in 1983 like a swarm of army ants, on a school-sanctioned field trip to see Return of the Jedi. The powers that be felt it would be the most efficient way to sate the thermonuclear excitement of a bunch of little hellions, and possibly the only ruse by which to attempt to focus their attention on schoolwork the entire rest of the week. Breathless speculation at the bus stop morphed into giddy anticipation on the rides both to and from school, before giving way to unalloyed joy in the movie theater. Afterward, we ate lunch at McDonald’s and played, en masse and single-minded, at a local park, pretending the wooden fort, with its suspension bridge, slides, and turrets, was Jabba the Hutt’s opulent pleasure barge, and that a giant rock jutting out of the ground just past the line separating sand from grass was the skiff from which Luke, Han, and Chewie were supposed to sacrifice themselves to the great and powerful Sarlacc…but rebelled. Continue reading “Movie review: “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” (2015)”